Of butlers, bats and families
by Melancholy's Sunshine
Summary: Bruce has Dick. Dick has Bruce. They both have Alfred. And Alfred has a grandson? And this grandson is spending a day working at the manor? Oh what could possibly go wrong? No OCs believe it or not. Just some strange moments you may not understand.
1. Chapter 1

Stand straight. Shoulders back. Eyes front. Right hand over left wrist. Face stern yet relaxed. A slight amount of pressure squeezed his shoulder. He glanced over at the man next to him without moving his body. He was an older fellow. His eyes were beaming at him. He looked forward again. There really was no way around this. His eyes seemed duller than normal. It felt that way at least. He didn't want to do this.

"Welcome back Master Wayne," said the elder man helping the grown man with his coat.

"Welcome back Master Richard," he said as calm as possible. He felt like he was going to lose it. The way he said it made it taste like sand in his mouth. He was angry but did his best not to let it show. He was a humble servant to a rich and powerful master. He was a pebble in a gravel driveway.

He took the younger's coat. Richard had soft black hair and beautiful baby blue eyes. He was once from a circus family but was adopted by Bruce Wayne. The family that he would one day work for. His dreams reduced and crushed. Not a hero. Not a scientist. Not even Wally. Just Wallace. He took a deep breath and followed after the eldest man.

"Bruce? Who's the new guy?" asked Richard.

"Alfred's grandson," Bruce stated simply.

"I didn't know he had one."

"He and his daughter don't talk a lot. So he doesn't see him a lot either. It was hard enough to convince her to have him come," he explained. Richard looked at the younger butler. He was different from the older worker. He had bright red hair that reminded him of strawberries. And his eyes were minty green. They seemed to contradict the mandatory suit he was wearing. He snuck his way over to where Alfred and the younger went off to. 

"I still don't see why I have to learn this. I have science to do," The younger complained. He seemed oddly familiar.

"Richard," said an annoyed voice. He sheepishly turned around.

"Just curious," he said following Bruce.

"It's a good training exercise. It will teach you patience and tolerance. As well as help you hide your identity," Alfred said calmly. The red head crossed his arms.

"So working as a butler is going to help me?" he questioned cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"I'm calling Uncle Barry."

"Your Uncle agrees with me Wallace," he said without hesitation.

"Its Wally grandpa," he complained, "You know how much I hate Wallace."

"Wallace is a fine name. It was my father's name," he said simply. The younger rolled his green eyes.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I like to be called it. Can't you call me Wally like everyone else?"

"Wallace Rudolph West, take pride in your name," he said without any change in tone. Wally wondered if he was in fact a robot like Red Tornado. It would explain his emotionless and strict behavior and set of rules.

"Like you have never been called Al," Wally muttered.

"Only by the guests of Master Bruce when they are not in the right state of mind," he grimaced.

"Wait. He lets his guests get hammered?" he asked. As soon as he did he got a swift cuff to the ear.

"Language," he said. Wally flinched at the pain he was feeling. Sometimes he swore he was a speedster too. When his ear was released he rubbed it trying to remove the pain.

"That wasn't very nice," Wally said.

"Its part of your training," Alfred said, "Now head to the kitchen and prepare dinner. And make some cookies for Master Richard. He has had a rough time lately."

"You want me to make him cookies? He's a spoiled rich kid!"

He cuffed his ear again, "And use the recipe I taught you."

When Wally was released he walked to the kitchen cursing under his breath. What was this supposed to teach him?

He walked into the kitchen after searching for ten minutes (seriously, enough rooms?) he began pulling out mixing bowls. Defying his grandfather was oddly enough like defying Batman. You just didn't do it. He wondered who could defy who. He had an odd feeling it would be his grandfather.

+.+

"Alfred, are you sure you want to do this?" Bruce asked.

"Wallace needs to learn how to act in any situation. Being Batman you should know that. I do not believe my grandson being the youngest speedster should bother you any more than normal. And Master Richard should have someone he can talk to as Richard. And what better person than Wallace? You know him well enough. You even know his uncle."

"As long as this isn't a problem for us later."

"Ah, but the secret won't stay forever you know," Alfred said knowingly.

"I know. The question is when will Dick find out?"

"After Wallace finds out I'm sure."

"Dick is better at figuring things out than Wally."

"Wallace takes after his uncle in forensics. I believe he will figure it out first."

The two men stared at each other.

"I'm not one for gambling," said Bruce.

"A gentleman never bets," Alfred said in a calm voice. But a challenge had been thrown, "No one helps the boys. They will learn on their own."

"Agreed."

+.+

"Room service," Wally said with mock annoyance knocking on the door.

"Come in," said the voice inside. Wally sighed and opened the door balancing a tray with cookies and a glass of milk. The room was large and spacious. A book shelf, a computer, a desk, a wheeled chair, a dresser, a huge closet and probably the biggest bed he had ever seen. And the young black haired kid was laughably too small.

Wally placed the tray on the table, "Anything else?"

"Want to play a game?" he asked. Wally stared at him. Why did he seem so familiar?

"Sorry. No. I can't. My grandpa will kill me if I don't go back downstairs," he said trying to avoid hanging out with some rich stranger.

"Come on. You're not an adult. He can't force you to work."

"Yeah he can. He's my grandpa. And he's the scariest person I have ever met. You want to make him angry be my guest."

"Can I ask you a question?"

Wally stopped and turned, "School? Well I'm pretty good in science but I'm not too bad in foreign languages…"

"What's your name? Need to know what to call you."

"Uh… my grandpa calls me…"

"Wallace."

"Gah!" he jumped in shock. Alfred stood respectively at the door.

"It's time for you to clean the bathroom," he said in the same tone. Wally grimaced and walked out of the room.

"Wow Alfred. You've got him licked he said grabbing a cookie. He took a bite, "Thanks for the cookies. Good as always."

"I will tell Wallace you think so highly of his baking."

Dick choked, "You didn't make these?"

"Don't be nervous Master Richard. My grandson will not bring you any harm," he said leaving the room. Dick looked at the cookies. He might've been paranoid for poison, but he was more surprised that they tasted exactly like Alfred's cookies. It must've been a family recipe. He took another bite of the chocolate chip cookie. It was surprising that someone could make the cookies as well as Alfred. Sweet and chewy. Fresh from the oven.

He walked out of the hall and ran toward Alfred.

"How come you never told me you had a grandson?" asked Dick. Alfred was never one to keep secrets.

"My daughter and I do not talk often. So I rarely talked to or even saw my grandson. He's a bright boy. But a bit modest in his skills. And Master Richard," he paused, "Do not look into his personal life. I do not believe it is your place to be a bat for him."

Dick blushed a little, "A little peek wouldn't hurt."

"Master Richard. Might I remind you that this boy is a part of my family?"

Dick flinched. He was not going into Alfred's personal life. They were close but there were some things that were just not done. Not even Bruce did that.

+.+

Wally scrubbed the floor of the bathroom for what felt like forever. Why was every room in this place so much bigger than it needed to be?

When he was finally done he stretched his arms. It looked better but he still hated the work of cleaning the darn room. He stuck out his tongue at the room's floor where he could see his reflection. He frowned at the thought that Robin was spying on him and laughing at his misfortune. Wouldn't surprise him. Goddamn bats. Always spying.

"Stupid Robin," he muttered.

Dick stopped in the hall. Did he hear that right?

"Stupid Bat family," he continued. Dick held his breath. He knew? Silently he made his way to the door Wally was standing in front of.

"Of all the stupid, idiotic and paranoid things," he began before Dick hit a pressure point knocking him to the ground. He dragged him across the floor and proceeded to take him to the holding cell in the bat cave. Relative to Alfred or not, he didn't know if he could trust him or not.

+.+

Wally opened his eyes to a dark room, some neck pain and a headache. Wasn't even in Gotham for twenty-four hours before something idiotically stupid happened. Last time he came to Gotham he and Robin somehow ended up at some little kid's birthday party for two hours. Granted, that place at least had cake. Here he was tied up in a chair and from what it felt like he was dressed as a butler. Damn rich people!

He looked around for a light.

"Hello Wallace," said a cool voice. Wally shivered. But he realized whose voice it was.

"R…Robin?" he asked cautiously. Suddenly a bright light was in his face.

"Aw… And I thought you were going to call me '_Master Richard_' Wallace," he mocked. Wally stared at the person in front of him. Robin's costume. His voice. But Richard's eyes.

"Wow. Dude you have pretty eyes."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. Look," he said grasping his collar and lifting him up a bit, "I might trust Alfred, but what makes you think I should trust you? But even if you told, Batman and I could have you forget."

Wally blinked.

"So… Your Robin… Is Batman…? Holy Crap! Batman is Bruce Wayne?" he gasped in disbelief. Robin's eyes widened. He didn't know? Shit.

"No. Bruce isn't…"

"Dude relax. I won't tell. I'm sure you have more on me anyway."

"Look Bruce is not…"

"Robin. It's me. Kid Flash."

Silence came over the cave.

"It would seem as though I was right," said a familiar voice.

"Alfred?"

"Grandpa?"

"So it would seem," said another voice.

"Bruce?"

"Someone owes me twenty bucks," said a perkier voice.

"Uncle Barry?" Wally squeaked.

"Gambling Master Bruce? I thought I had thought you better than that," Alfred stated. Wally looked at Robin.

"We have seriously messed up families."

"Dude, I think it's just one family."

"What makes you say that?"

"Batman practically was raised by Alfred."

"Does that make him and my mom siblings? Wait… Batman would then be my uncle."

The room went silent.

"I'm still the favorite," said Barry running over and hugging Wally.

+.+

"Should we tell the team how we know each other?" Wally asked shortly after the team was formed.

"Nah. I don't think they need to know that Batman is your," he snorted, "uncle."

"Dude! Get over that! I said that about a year ago."

"Still is ridiculous KF."

"Yeah, yeah whatever," he said. A silence filled the air for a second before Wally sighed, "And yes… I have the goods."

"Nice. So you ever going to tell me the recipe?" asked Robin munching on a newly revealed cookie. Wally gave him a look.

"Are you kidding? Grandpa would torture me for giving out his recipe. He practically tortured me into memorizing the stupid thing so it wouldn't be left on paper."

"You still wrote it down somewhere," Robin grinned.

"Yeah. But you're still not getting it."

**I thought it would be neat for Alfred to be Wally's grandpa on his mom's side. So that's what I did. Hope you enjoyed and as always… review! **


	2. Chapter 2

"I wouldn't," Robin sang mischievously to the team.

"And why not?" Artemis remarked. The team all looked at their youngest member curiously.

"Wally is far from your average Joe. You think it'll be easy to get into his room, much less _find_ anything?"

"So he's a slob. Big whoop," she said leaving. The team followed all half curious to see their elusive speedy friend's room. Robin just smiled.

"Oh on the contrary. On the contrary."

"Dude, who are you talking to?" Wally asked as he zipped into the room, throwing one arm around Robin's shoulder. Robin looked at his pseudo brother only to stifle a laugh.

"Oh, no one."

Wally raised a brow curiously but overall hiding all emotion before Robin burst out laughing. A light twinge of red came to his cheeks, an amazing feat considering how deep he could blush.

"I blame Bat-butler," he stated gesturing at his attire. He was in a dark suit with a white shirt and deep red satin tie. His hair was slicked back in a clean manner that ironically made him look so different from their resident speedster but rather a gentleman.

"Alfred? Really?" he asked knowing no one was listening, "Boy your grandfather _really_ wants you to be a gentleman."

Wally groaned. "Don't remind me."

Robin just gave another impish grin. Wally rolled his eyes and began walking to the kitchen when Robin jumped on his back. Instinctively he grabbed Robin's legs to hold him up.

"Master Robin, might I remind you to not do such unbecoming activities?" he scolded with an English lit to his voice. Robin gave him an indignant look similar to that of a spoilt child.

"What? Me? Partaking in indignant activities as such you are presuming? The very thought-!"

Meanwhile Artemis bolted out of Wally's room slamming the door behind her. Her heart was beating sporadically against her chest.

"Was it messy?" M'gann asked looking at the paint, leafs, glitter and feathers covering her person. Artemis slowly shook her head. It wasn't messy in there. It was spotless. _Was_ being the key word. It had been booby trapped and she had set quite a few off. She at least knew of the paint which was covering her right arm and most likely most of her back.

"It… was booby trapped. That little troll," Artemis growled remembering how Robin was smirking and telling them _not_ to go into Wally's room without telling them that he actually placed traps in the room for who knows what reason. Artemis silently swore she was going to murder the little bat child. And the team's speedster. It was his room after all and she needed her calculator back. She was sure he had taken it. Her anger had led her stomping back to the main room to begin her search for "The Boy Wonder". That's when she smelled the chocolate. Not just any chocolate, chocolate from chocolate chip cookies. Not burning but actually delightfully fresh.

She walked into the kitchen quietly, using her stealth to her advantage.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't ask A to make them for you," a familiar voice with an unknown tone drawled.

"Come on, you don't squeal. And you make them just as good," Robin graciously fawned. Artemis stopped in the doorway to see Robin talking to a boy in white crisp cut pants, a white button up shirt with a satin red tie, a white apron and a white bandana to keep his hair out of his face which seemed to hold back red hair. He held himself with confidence, standing somehow with grace, even as he bent over to pull a tray from the oven.

"Your dessert, young master," he sarcastically drawled, a light dusting of freckles over his cheeks, his smile charming and mischievous.

"You can't be serious!" Robin laughed while the other smirked.

"And why not? You little troll," he asked with a silky smooth voice.

"Because you're supposed to be the goofy one," Robin complained. The elder rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right Rob," he snorted his voice more crass and relaxed with amusement lacing his words retaining a rather stoic look.

"Stuff it KF," Robin said grabbing a cookie. He took a bite and his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"No freaking way, Baywatch?" Artemis smiled revealing herself. Surprisingly neither reacted. Rob just smiled and offered a cookie while Wally's face remained blank and rather stoic and raised a brow curiously at Artemis.

"No way what Princess?" he asked. Artemis's face tinted a light pink.

"You fucking baked cookies?" she went off. Wally opened his mouth to retort when Robin interjected, "Yeah! And they are awesome!"

"Didn't think scatter-brain here could actually make something without the microwave. Wally's face hardened slightly and barely repressed a shutter recalling how he had gotten to his level of cooking.

"I don't think my grandfather would've approved of that," he muttered to himself.

"What? Your grandpa?" Artemis questioned. Wally paled and Robin's mouth went slack for a moment.

"Uh… yeah. My British grandfather who spends his life baking, cooking and cleaning for a rich man named Bruce in Gotham," he said quickly. Artemis scoffed.

"Yeah right Baywatch," she said walking out of the room.

"Wow…"

"I know. Lucky break," Wally muttered, "You think she'll ever actually figure it out."

Robin snorted, "Only if she learns who I am or starts dating you."

"Not going to happen Master Robin," he nagged as he swatted Robin's hand away from the cookies tutting at him like he would a small child, "You'll ruin your appetite."

"No fair," Robin pouted playfully. Wally rolled his eyes at the younger.

"You'll get your just desserts Robin, if everything is in order," he stated ominously. Robin paled thinking about Artemis entering Wally's room. He "ninja-ed" his way out of the room leaving Wally to chuckle at the Bat's antics.

-.-

"I can't find it!" Artemis yelled. She was still unable to find her calculater. Wally walked into the room rather confused by the huffy archer when he walked over to the television set and grabbed a calculator from the cluster of copious remotes.

"Here it is," he said dropping it on her lap.

"How?" she questioned. Wally shrugged his shoulders.

"Alfred gene."

**True story. My great-great-grandfather was named Alfred. My great-great-grandmother could never find anything. She'd always tell him she couldn't find it and he would look in the same place she was looking for about ten seconds before finding said object. As it would turn out, both my father and I have this ability to the relief of my mother and two sisters (and each other when the gene isn't working…) I don't know why I wrote this. Perhaps I was bored and felt that this would be entertaining. Oh well. Review.**


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